I mean, vegetarians get their own restaurant, how about one for carnivores? The water will be chicken broth.

Seriously though, I hate catering to picky people. People seem to have forgot the meaning of “menu.” You go to a restaurant, you order something that’s on the menu. There are reasons that restaurants have menus. If you don’t like what’s on the menu, then don’t go there. Chefs make their living cooking food and chances are they know what they’re doing better than you.

Most menus allow for some degree of customization so there is no need to make up your own dish. Ordering something completely off the menu is just insulting and if I was in charge I would not allow it. I understand allergies and religious stuff (you are not allergic to onions) make it hard for a lot of people to order from menus, but don’t order nachos with no chips or a hamburger with no bun on a plate with a can of creamed corn, or something equally ridiculous.

Another thing. Kids’ menus. I will not serve a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my restaurant. Ever.

wildcraw:wooliebear:themightyfoz:verolpstalker:venenoymiel:zamuroparlotero:tejemaneje:(via unknownskywalker)

FOZ: I have never seen an airplane fly through a destroyed city that was turning up over itself. Not once… in any of those “real”disasters. Neither was Cusak there…ever… not even once.

FOZ! You make me laugh.

I hate these stupid statements. This is almost worse than the Swine Flu/AIDS one a while back.

If any of you actually think this statement is poignant or insightful, look at this. But the fact that the American public donated more than 9 times 200 million dollars is beside the point. Movies and entertainment are a business. A business that makes a lot of money but also provides a lot of jobs, not just crews and actors, but movie critics, theaters, video rental stores, etc. Comparing the amount of money used to make a movie or its box office earnings to the amount of money donated to charity is like comparing apples to oranges, oranges made out of whatever the exact opposite of apples is.

Stop being idiots, people.

So I tried to order some traction cables for my truck this morning. The good news is that I found some that fit my tires. The bad news is that when I went to order them from the website using my debit card it kept saying that the billing address didn’t match the address for my card. I knew this couldn’t be correct because I changed my address months ago in person at the bank and it’s the address I’ve been using for online transactions for the last few months. So I kept tweaking the punctuation and different ways to say “apartment number” and it kept saying the same thing so I gave up.

Flash forward to me checking my account online and finding that there was $333 worth of check card authorizations. The bulk of them were for the site I was attempting to buy traction cables from, apparently I had ordered 7 pairs of traction cables. I only need one. So I just spent the last hour or so on the phone with the company and my bank getting the charges reversed. And also it turns out that they hadn’t changed my address from my old one, so I’m still horribly confused.

I hate banks.

hilker:

davereed:

Swine Flu Mortality

This cool infographic shows that of the 50,000,000 worldwide deaths due to disease or injury in the last 300 days, 5,000 of them were due to H1N1 (that’s .01%, the smallest of any of the causes listed on the chart).

(The tall bar on the left is Cardiovascular Disease)

by Michæl.Paukner

i’d like to see this overlaid with a graph of media coverage for each. i’m guessing most relationships would be inverse.

First of all, it’s not the lowest. Leprosy is the lowest, but we get the point. But isn’t this graph just contributing to the “problem” of inverse media coverage? If it’s one of the lowest than why is it the only one that your attention is drawn to? If you don’t like hearing about swine flu, bitching about how much you hear about swine flu isn’t going to make it any better, it’s just going to make people talk about it more.

Although overlaying media coverage onto this may be an interesting graphic (I suspect “war” would be the highest in that category), so would overlaying total cases of each disease, which I’m sure is higher for swine flu than a few of the other diseases. Or maybe the number of cases last year (0?) compared with this year which shows why H1N1 is newsworthy this year compared to other causes.

thomasmurray:

kevinslane:

Well, here’s one good reason to support Iowa the rest of the way…

No, Iowa can lose. Let’s see a Cincinnati/Boise State Championship, that’ll teach ‘em.

I guess the basic premise of this article is interesting, but when you think about it, the reasoning is idiotic.

“The best thing that can happen to doom a bowl system is mayhem, and that’s what we’d get with an Iowa and TCU title game.”

I’m not sure what dictionary the author is using, but I don’t think two undefeated teams teams playing in the national championship would be “mayhem.” It may not be “sexy” or “appealing” to most of America, but it sure as hell isn’t “mayhem.” Mayhem would be a 12-1 team playing another 12-1 team while an undefeated team gets passed over as well as another 11-1 team who beat one of those 12-1 teams and an 11-1 team that beat the passed-over 11-1 team gets left out of the BCS completely (sound familiar?).

Sure, Iowa-TCU wouldn’t get the ratings a Florida-Texas or Alabama-Texas would get, but if they both finish undefeated (a big IF) and there aren’t any other deserving undefeated teams, there would be no argument that they aren’t the two most deserving teams. Which has been the argument against the BCS to begin with. So, first you were against the BCS because it wasn’t fair to deserving teams and now you’re going to be against them because you didn’t get the dream matchup you wanted in the BCS title game because they picked the more deserving teams? Solid argument.

Basically, his thesis seems to be “all college football cares about is money, so a not-as-profitable championship game would cause them scrap the BCS in hopes of making more money.” Which is absolutely retarded. First of all, if Iowa-TCU were the title game, you would still get a Florida/Alabama-Texas matchup in the one of the other BCS games. Second, and more importantly, any other system in place wouldn’t ever prevent this from happening more than the BCS already does. If anything, a playoff system would be more prone to un-sexy matchups.

All of this is rampant speculation, of course. Here’s my suggestion: Let the season play out, then start suggesting ways to fix the BCS.

When I go to a Tool concert, I go to see Tool.

I do not go to see you.

When I go to a Tool concert, I want to hear Maynard sing every line.

I do not want to hear 5,000 of you sing EVERY FUCKING LINE (usually at the wrong times).

I like Maynard.

I do not like you.

To everyone who rides their bicycles on the road: JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE ON A BIKE DOESN’T MEAN THE RULES OF THE ROAD DON’T APPLY TO YOU.

I was sitting at a stop light at a fairly busy intersection today. While I was waiting for the left turn arrows to go red (I was going straight) some jackass on a bike came out of nowhere, went past me and ran the red light. I was incensed (and still am) and would not have felt the least bit sad if I had “accidentally” ran him over. Being a reasonably sane individual, I didn’t run him over. Instead, I did the next best thing: accelerate as fast as I could when the light turned green, rev my engine as loud as I could and pass him as closely as possible while flipping him the bird.

The message didn’t appear to register with him, because his look of smug entitlement and superiority remained on his face and his skintight bodysuit. I wouldn’t be so angry if this was an isolated incident, but I constantly see bicyclists rolling through stop signs and passing numerous stopped cars at traffic lights for the sole purpose of making every single car on the road have to move over to pass you and completely fucking up traffic.

I’m not exactly sure what the actual laws are (I’m pretty sure they don’t allow bicyclists to cruise through red lights), and I really don’t care. If you’re travelling on a road, you need to follow the rules of the road. Just because your method of transportation is healthier and more environmentally friendly shouldn’t entitle you to completely break all the rules of the road.

I don’t have anything against reasonable bicyclists (although there seem to be few). I would honestly bike nearly everywhere if it were economically viable. But please obey the rules of the road for your own safety and for my mental health.

There are many reasons to hate American Idol: the constant commercial breaks, Ryan Seacrest’s stupid midget face, Paula Abdul’s incoherent babbling, awkward dancing, and plastic face, Simon Cowell’s contrived cynicism, the fact that everything the judges, contestants, and audiences do seems contrived, the lack of the word “contrived”… I could go on. But for a few weeks it was exactly those reasons that I loved watching American Idol. It was stupid, it was fun, it was easy fodder for jokes and photoshops.

But this week’s episode was different for me. It wasn’t different in any of the ways I mentioned above. It just felt different to me. Sure there were plenty of moronic things said (“Yo Dawg, you are one of the best singers in this competition” may seem like a compliment, but not when you say it to every contestant, and there are only 7 of them), plenty of awkward incoherent babbling (Paula’s remark about Kris “shopping in the women’s department”, and Simon’s reaction) and plenty of Seacrest’s stupid midget face. What was different wasn’t anything missing, but my realization that some (read: a lot of) people actually take this seriously and actually think that what they are seeing is good music.

I realize that taste is a personal preference and I may seem condescending saying this but none of the performers on American Idol that I have seen (with the glaring exception of Adam Lambert) have ever given what I would consider a great musical performance. I’m not saying it’s not music, or that it’s not entertaining, it’s just not good music. There is one contestant in particular that I feel embodies this as well as the antithesis of the way I feel about music: Danny Gokey.

I hate Danny Gokey. The fact that he is pretty much the favorite to win the competition legitimately makes me angry. The fact that the judges, even Simon occasionally, praise him on nearly every performance makes me furious. The fact that Paula Abdul may sincerely believe that he has “one of sexiest voices ever” makes me want to punch Paula Abdul in the face. Danny Gokey doesn’t have a sexy voice, he has a technically sound singing voice, but his voice doesn’t have any personality, he doesn’t have any personality, unless you count the “I’m white and wear glasses, so I’m dorky and non-threatening” smile he constantly has as personality (which I don’t).

One of the judges said in this week’s episode was “worried about [Gokey] and disco” as if they don’t fit together. On the contrary, disco is a perfect fit for Danny Gokey because they both display a complete and utter contempt for the notion that music is a legitimate art form. He goes out there every week, with his shit-eating grin and gives the most technically sound, cornball performance he can give and somehow America eats it up. There are other contestants that are nearly the same (Anoop and Matt), but they actually have some attributes (Anoop is Indian, Matt pretends to be Justin Timberlake) that give them some semblance of personality or charm, but Gokey is a complete void where no original thought or charm can be found. I would say he is a black hole, but black holes suck everything in, whereas Gokey seems to actively repel anything that would make him distinguishable as a human being.

I’m not sure why it bothers me this much. Given the history of American Idol the past few years, these are the types of people that usually end up winning or doing well. I know that the American public is dumb, but I think that seeing it this way just kind of rubs it in to me that the general public has completely different taste in music than me. I prefer music that actually says something (and not “She Works Hard For The Money”, which says “always tip your prostitute”), apparently a lot of AI viewers want music that completely lacks feeling and personality. I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.

There is one saving grace of American Idol though, and his name is Adam Lambert. He is clearly the only one of the contestants who is truly gifted artist. He has a personality, and it shows through his performances. The fact that he and Gokey are most likely going to be the final two is exciting in a way. It can be framed as some sort of musical holy war between good and evil music. If Lambert wins, my musical tastes will be validated by the public (I can’t decide if I want this or not). If Gokey wins, I can go on hating mainstream pop music with good reason.

I love how when somebody dies, everybody remembers everything they ever did even though they never mentioned it until then. George Carlin was (and is) a legend. He was never my favorite, I could name quite a few comedians that I like better than him (Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, to name a few), but it is always sad when somebody who contributed so much to the way we look at the world dies. George Carlin is an icon and him dying has no effect on the way I will remember him. He was 71, I for one would rather die than to actually have to go through the pain of living that long. People die, it happens, especially when people get old.

Basically what I’m saying is that while George Carlin was a great comedian that affected pretty much all of our lives, him dying should have no effect on how we will remember him. People seem to treat death as something that happens to only the few, and when it happens you have to remember their great accomplishments and all that bullshit. But the thing is that death is something that happens to everybody, deal with it and move on, it’s a part of life.

I will always remember George Carlin, but not any more than I would have if he lived to be 130. I’ll also always remember Bill Hicks, and Mitch Hedberg, and Richard Pryor, and Lenny Bruce. Basically what I’m saying is that I’m sick and tired of this media bullshit where we remember somebody that died (this goes for celebrity deaths (Heath Ledger) and tragic victims (the Virginia Tech/Northern Illinois victims) all the same) and then basically forget about them two months later.

People die every day, it’s a fact of life, whether from gunshot wounds or from natural causes, every death is tragic. George Carlin dying is fact of life, people get old then they die, him dying has no effect on the amount of respect I have for him and his impact on the world of comedy, which is a lot.

I hate when my dreams coincide with stuff happening in my life, it can get kind of confusing. For instance, I had been talking to my brother about the possibility of moving out to Alaska later this summer and last night I had a dream that I went to Alaska and met up with him, along with a bunch of other random people from my life that seemingly belonged there. But here’s the thing, my brother warned me that there were hamsters everywhere in Alaska. Like, you couldn’t walk ten feet without stepping on a hamster. Now I’m pretty sure that was dreampt too, but it does kind of seem like the kind of thing he would tell me, albeit jokingly. But anyway, in my dream I was warned about hamsters, and hamsters there were, of all different shapes and sizes. I even stepped on a couple, which was very distressing.

Now when I woke up this morning in my usually half-awake stupor, I was confused about many things (including what I thought was a cut on my arm from breaking a window in my dream, which turned out to be a burn from three days ago), but the most important thing was whether or not there is a hamster infestation in Alaska, which I am still not sure about. So if anybody from Alaska reads this, let me know about your hamster situation (is it even wise to bring a hamster to Alaska? Or would it be too cold for them to live? These are the things I need to know)

Also, there seemed to be a spider problem as well, which no one warned me about (not even in my dream!) and that could be a dealbreaker when deciding whether to move to Alaska.