Does your Tumblr page (or any webpage, really) automatically play music when I open it?

If you answered “yes” then I’m sorry, but I hate you. This isn’t Myspace, people.

Also, any webpage that automatically re-sizes my browser needs to die immediately.

Watching Stop Making Sense is so much easier with this flowchart.

Talking Heads - Life During Wartime (from Stop Making Sense)

One of my favorite performances ever.

“Hi, I’ve got a tape I want to play.”

menstrom:

windowless:

I really think that at LEAST the first 20 years of my life were just one big awkward phase. I joke around about it a lot, but the more and more I reflect on the lost years of youth, the more and more I realize it was all absolutely true.

But having a 20-year awkward phase wasn’t a bad thing. In fact, some of my most enjoyable memories were the hideous clothing I wore or the center-part in my hair, or the glasses or the dandruff or the platform sneakers of my tweendom.

Now, I know I’m no prized piece at 23. I’m not saying all this to give myself some kind of self-congratulatory pat on the back, or to tell everyone on tumblr (edit: the zero people who will probably read this) how blazin’ hot I am. I’m just saying that I embrace my ugly duckling past.

In fact, maybe I’l do some photohunting this weekend. I smell a new tumblr series…

If I had a dollar for every time I got a bowl cut, I could finance one hell of Saturday night. A friend’s gf once told me about her ugly duckling theory, which was a frighteningly accurate assessment of my personality and past. In my opinion, a perpetually awkward/humbling youth can manifest itself into a witty, sarcastic, and pragmatic adulthood. Or miserable bitterness. The key being avoidance of crushing low self-confidence and insecurity.

Here’s my addition to that theory:

Awkward/humbling youth —> witty, sarcastic, pragmatic adulthood = comedians

Awkward/humbling youth —> witty, sarcastic, bitter adulthood = good comedians

shadeofgrey:

passthemike:

jennaisthelaw:

hello please impregnate me

Sorry Jenna, he has smoked himself sterile.

Okkk… he’s althetic and awesome and everything, but he’s basically a giant with a face only a mother could love. I’m pretty sure if I woke up next to that the only reaction I could possibly have is “Gah!”

*Edit: not that I think that he’d ever in a million years want to sleep with ME either.

A girl once told me I looked like Michael Phelps. Since I’m not 6’4” with a mile arm-span, I did not take it as a compliment.

puppiesandexplosions:

Adrian Clayborn and his puppy will explode your offensive line.

Okay, that one was a bit of a stretch.

Puppies and Explosions needs your submissions!

Nothing.

Suck it, losers!

january20:

jheath:

danieleric:

menstrom:

With some ties, getting the correct length to knot size ratio is impossible. To get the length right, I end up with a tiny ass knot and the tail doesn’t reach the loop on the back side.To get a good knot, I end up looking like a Capone-era ganster.

Holy crap I have this same problem. I love being tall and all, but seriously.

But I do think they make ties specifically for this problem, though

The work issue navy tie at my last job was the worst. In order to get a full respectable looking windsor I had to make it where the back end of the tie was like 3 inches long. I usually just ended up tucking it in between the buttons of my shirt so I didn’t look like an extra in the 3 Stooges.

And whats the deal with dress shirts? To get the proper length they have to be cartoonishly wide ( at least that’s my experience)

The benefits of being average height.

The Phillies have signed Matt Holliday.

shadeofgrey:

Driving in the car today I hear this news report come on the radio:

“Police have confirmed today that the shooting victim on blah blah blah street outside of blah blah blah was a homicide”.

REALLY?! I had no idea that a guy shot to death in the middle of the road could possibly have been *GASP* murdered!

Am I missing something here that makes this not completely obvious that the guy didn’t just mysteriously and innocently end up with bullets in him?

It could have been part of an elaborate suicide plan and the guy didn’t know the gun was loaded. Police can never be too safe anymore.

passthemike:

junglejustine:

Normally, I have to resist responding, “Maybe the good guys are just avoiding you.”

But the answer to this frequent, lovelorn lament is simple: The good men are right under your nose.

Wow, it’s like reading the plot to every chick flick ever.

bobbybigwheel:

illustratedexample:

The Denver Post only asks the most controversial poll questions.

Who has no opinion on whether he’s buying a Christmas tree?

Apparently 6 Denverites, including me. Apathetics of Denver UNITE!

Every time somebody says something to me, it freezes up my browser so I can’t type anything anywhere else until I click over to the Facebook tab. Now, I don’t use Facebook that often other than to post on the Obama Christmas group, but for some reason I always have it open in a background tab so every time my computer starts acting weird and freezing up (which is often, it’s like 5 years old) I assume somebody is talking to me on Facebook chat and get disappointed when nobody is. I need to get off the internet.